Tough Love

Someone once told me that I'm not easy to love...

... A year ago I would greatly disagree but today I could not agree more with that person. Perhaps because I already proved to myself that this piece of information is true. It could not be more evident in the failed relationships I had for the past two years. 

It's crazy to think that a past relationship might have worked if only I didn't build walls instead of bridges. Or maybe things would be different at the moment if only I stopped pushing them away so hard, thinking and hoping that they have the patience within them to come back and soothe my flaming pride. I know no one could settle for that disturbing circumstances. Even I would not settle for that..

So with that realization I took sometime and tried to change myself for the better. I started forgiving myself and learning to accept that certain people can love and accept who I really am. I stopped pushing people away and accepted their love with open arms. I became the most lovable person until.... I fell in love once again.

And to make matters worse? The person I fell in love is kind, forgiving and understanding. This person possesses the traits that I so love to abuse. I tried to stay away from the sweet temptation of testing the limits of this person. But tonight, I couldn't stop myself. The cycle of monstrosity repeats itself once again...

Considering this, should I stop and let go in order to spare an innocent loving heart or should I fight and acknowledge the fact that everything is tough when it comes to love?

Demeaning Circumstance

She saw something and all of a sudden it came rushing back to her. As if the feelings of the past wants to ruin what she has now in present time. She was scared and paralyzed with fear as she saw a single post a friend made for the love of her life.

"Is it happening again? Can I be so unlucky in love and can history be repeating it self ?" She was paranoid with fear. She gulp down her cup of coffee which was already getting cold.

She cant take her eyes away from the screen. An aching icy wave of fear shot down right through her body. She cant move her body nor her eyes away from the painful image that flashed right through the screen. She wanted to bolt and ran inside her room and cry her fears away, hoping that it would all go away. But she didn't move.

She tried to do something that was not expected of her and took a glance of something that she shouldn't even see. She crossed so many boundaries just to fulfill the hunger she was feeling and to soothe the bruise she was nursing.  When she opened the inbox, she frowned, she saw nothing out of the ordinary.

....She was astonished and felt abashed for thinking everything will be the same. Then she promised to lay her heart and give the love of her life the 100% trust that everyone deserves in a relationship.