Hiatus

One of the scariest thing a blogger could encounter is a blank page. This is often what we hear from writer(s)/blogger(s) who is/are currently experiencing a hiatus. It's cliche but it's true.I can attest to that..

I admit I am not a professional blogger. I normally write my thoughts just when life gets a little crazy at times. However for several months already I found a shocking change that left me lifeless for a great time. I realized that my life became monotonous, dry, and uneventful. Therefore, I can't produce a single post for this blog, which by the way I promised to update as often as possible.

That realization brought so much unhappiness and the feeling of discontentment wont leave me. 

Days passed and nothing great happened. Everyday I would wake up in the morning, do may morning routine, rush for school, hang out and eat lunch with my friends, attend classes, see Miko, finish my responsibilities in the council (if there are any), then home sweet home. The following day will be the same routine. On some days I'd hang out with Miko and leave my friends for awhile on other days I'd just be busy as hell. It was dreadful. I was discontented. I felt hollow... no I felt empty!

http://analogcolor.tumblr.com/post/18075317347/365wonderlandadventures-on-flickr

I felt like a different person.  Like a different dissatisfied person is living inside my body. To make matters worse I was always lethargic, grumpy even confused and angry at times. I hated noisy people. My tolerance for bullshit dropped to a zero. My relationships were affected. My mom and I would bicker to an extent that we no longer speak. To even further complicate my situation I can't find a good reason why I turned into this anti-social monster. So I took desperate steps and went to a guidance councilor. But then she wasn't any help. That is why I took matters into my own hands. 

I started praying.

Every night before I go to sleep I would think hard and ask the All Knowing what was happening to my life. I asked Him all sorts of question ranging from "Where are You?" to "Why am I so unhappy?"
.....Of course He did not answer me because it was never His "thing" to answer people that way but rather He makes us feel things and guide us towards the light.

So one morning as I was getting ready for school I saw this book that my mom and I shared. It has a title of "A Pocketful of Promises" It is a compilation of 100 love notes from God.  I leafed through the book and searched for the following things:

1. God's Promise For My Doubts:
and this is what He said: "My Child I know you are struggling with doubt, but deep inside your spirit I have given you faith to move mountains. Let My precious promises wash you doubts away. I will never leave you, fail you, or forsake you. I am always with you; you are never alone. When you feel like giving up, cast your care and burdens upon Me. Rest in My arms and trust Me to take care of all that concerns you. I love you. Lift your eyes to the Heavens, for I am your help. Call on Me, and I will restore you. Hope in Me for I am here" - GOD

2. God's Promise For My Dreams:
and this is what He said: "Beloved, Dream big dreams. Many of your dreams are My dreams for you life. I share your excitement for the future, and I have big plans for you. I have held them in my heart since before you were born. I want to see them become a reality as much as you do. Trust Me to fulfill my plans for you life. I have a path in mind for you to follow. Trust and follow Me on your journey. With Me, all things are possible-- only believe!"- GOD

3. God's Promise When I Feel Confused:
and this is what He said: "Child of mine, I am not the author of confusion. Rather, I am the Shepherd of your soul. I desire to lead you, My sheep, into the green pastures of peace and confidence. When you feel confused, come to Me and I will settle your mind until you can hear Me clearly again. I can replace uncertainty with wisdom, shine the light of truth on the situations in your life, and set you free to make good choices." -GOD

As I put down that book that day, I also put down all my doubts and confusion. I knew there was nothing wrong with me. I was fine. It was just I wanted more than what I had which made a hole in my life. So, starting that day I lived my life a little differently and most of all I started thanking God even for the most little blessing. Thus I started becoming happy and at peace once again.....


I guess our lives as human beings is not as uneventful like we think it is. In fact it is filled with opportunities and chances to make it fun and worth sharing. However it is we who failed to see these blessings for we often ask for more or look for something else. This experience will serve me as a reminder that if ever I am faced again with a blank page and no enough worthy words can fill the spaces, I will look back and think that it takes time to tell a good story. I just need to sit back and relax and let the story unfold.

....and with these realizations and experiences I create a new post for my blog. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cmingkit/6869380195/in/pool-1267944@N22/

Tough Love

Someone once told me that I'm not easy to love...

... A year ago I would greatly disagree but today I could not agree more with that person. Perhaps because I already proved to myself that this piece of information is true. It could not be more evident in the failed relationships I had for the past two years. 

It's crazy to think that a past relationship might have worked if only I didn't build walls instead of bridges. Or maybe things would be different at the moment if only I stopped pushing them away so hard, thinking and hoping that they have the patience within them to come back and soothe my flaming pride. I know no one could settle for that disturbing circumstances. Even I would not settle for that..

So with that realization I took sometime and tried to change myself for the better. I started forgiving myself and learning to accept that certain people can love and accept who I really am. I stopped pushing people away and accepted their love with open arms. I became the most lovable person until.... I fell in love once again.

And to make matters worse? The person I fell in love is kind, forgiving and understanding. This person possesses the traits that I so love to abuse. I tried to stay away from the sweet temptation of testing the limits of this person. But tonight, I couldn't stop myself. The cycle of monstrosity repeats itself once again...

Considering this, should I stop and let go in order to spare an innocent loving heart or should I fight and acknowledge the fact that everything is tough when it comes to love?

Demeaning Circumstance

She saw something and all of a sudden it came rushing back to her. As if the feelings of the past wants to ruin what she has now in present time. She was scared and paralyzed with fear as she saw a single post a friend made for the love of her life.

"Is it happening again? Can I be so unlucky in love and can history be repeating it self ?" She was paranoid with fear. She gulp down her cup of coffee which was already getting cold.

She cant take her eyes away from the screen. An aching icy wave of fear shot down right through her body. She cant move her body nor her eyes away from the painful image that flashed right through the screen. She wanted to bolt and ran inside her room and cry her fears away, hoping that it would all go away. But she didn't move.

She tried to do something that was not expected of her and took a glance of something that she shouldn't even see. She crossed so many boundaries just to fulfill the hunger she was feeling and to soothe the bruise she was nursing.  When she opened the inbox, she frowned, she saw nothing out of the ordinary.

....She was astonished and felt abashed for thinking everything will be the same. Then she promised to lay her heart and give the love of her life the 100% trust that everyone deserves in a relationship.

Where did you go?

It was a Friday.

I see sweaty kids in the busy streets playing with their bare feet. They look tired but they still continue enjoying each other's company. It was already afternoon and the last ray of the sun is trying hard to illuminate the coming darkness of the night,when my grand mother (My father's mother)  left me at a relatives house in Parañaque where my mother was currently staying while she was working in Manila back then. As I entered the three story high - house and saw unfamiliar faces. I was became immediately terrified and went painfully  shy. "Where is mama?" I asked. The lady that claims to be the house keeper said that my mother was still at work and has not arrived yet.  With this uncomfortable situation I sat down at a near by couch while I watch my grand mother's car drive away...

I waited for my mother to arrive. Standing abruptly every time I hear the noisy banging of the gate when someone arrives. She's taking so long, I thought to my self. I wonder what time she's going to arrive. My stomach then was already growling...

Finally around 8:30pm a sweet voice lady entered the front door and called for my name. She looks so beautiful in her working clothes. The lady entered and look so lovingly to my face with her tired eyes. Seeing her, I immediately ran and hugged her tight by the neck and kissed her cheeks. A wave of relief flushed right down to my body. Mama was finally home. 

It's so sad every time I look back and reminisce my childhood days. A lot has changed between me and my mother. We no longer see eye to eye in things. We constantly bicker and argue about things. I miss the old version of her and the moments we shared together --I would trade everything to make our old relationship come back because I terribly miss those times where I wake up in the morning and I scream so loud for her name, those times where she's my friend, where she gives me a bath at night and ask how my day went, I miss how she used to pay attention and talk to me so lovingly. I wonder where that person went? I wish she'd come back and replace the woman who constantly reprimands me as if  I've done nothing right. Because right now all I see is a person who always gets mad and disappointed  at me no matter how much I try not to. I wished you'd come back mama..the old version of you.

Black and White

There is just something enchanting about black and white pictures don't you think?

Pretty Little Liars

I'm not going to write about the popular series about four girls whose clique falls apart after one of their friend (Alison)  went missing. However I'm going to talk about how much the people or rather the youth in our society are being more like the teenagers depicted in the series. Youth now becomes more secretive, manipulative and most of all deceiving. You think you can trust them? If you do, you're very wrong.

In the picture I can confidently say that majority of the people would trust the little girl than the rugged dirty looking old man she's beside with. However, if we take a look at things closely, it is the man who has a good intention than that of the little girl. For it is she who's carrying a weapon behind her back. This picture depicts the reality that people trust immediately when they see that the person is good looking. Or lets just say that people base their decision whether to trust a person or not through their looks and how they carry themselves. I  myself, made that mistake to base my decision fully on just how the person looked and the story didn't end so well. To tell you more of that, this is what actually happened...

Recently, I've been carrying a heavy secret and so far I'm doing pretty well until an incident occurred that I had to talk to someone. In the process I realize that  I needed to tell my secret in order for her to fully understand my story. I, helpless and frustrated just needed someone to talk to and share my dilemma took a risk to tell it. I knew it was so risky but the fact that she looks kind and helpless made it easier for me to decide. A few days later she herself told me that she told someone and that someone happens to be a girl who I'm not in a good status at the moment (LOL) But in the end  the situation was controlled. Still, the pain and anger still resides in me and all in all our friendship ended there as well.

What time is it?!

It's funny how a year ago I used to own watches as jewelries. Yes,  funny as that might sound but I really never used watches as an instrument of time. I used it as a jewelry to give off a look that says "I'm pretty responsible. Look I'm wearing a watch" LOL.

Anyhow it's pretty obvious, especially considering the above statement, that I never really cared about the importance of  time management. I hated schedules, planners and anything that aids manage time when I was in high school. I used to think that my friends are so pretentious for owning such "irrelevant" things. Probably because for me those are the things I should own when I reach 20 something..... Boy was I wrong!

Highschool passed and I said hello to college life!

The first few months was like hell. I never knew that the changes can be so tremendous. There were no permanent classrooms, no permanent teachers, no advisors and my classmates is mixture of age,course, and gender. Furthermore, I was always late and constantly asking for "what time is it" since my BB (Blackberry) phone's battery is always drained dry because of the applications I'm always using to kill time. It was very stressful. I can not help but cry my frustrations. So I decided to take hold of my self and get my life into order. I got a grip and I started to work on my schedule. Yes. I, Maria Ressa Improgo, made my very own schedule. I listed the time, days of the weeks and the places where my class would be held. It was a fresh start and I liked the feeling of taking control of my life and no longer needing the help of others. I purchased a new watch and wore it so I wouldn't be late for my classes. I wrote my activities and due dates on a planner so I can track them down for easy time management. In other words I learned to used the things I used to despise so much. Moreover I understood their true purpose and I no longer need to ask "what times it?!"